CONCIOUSNESS

I thought about this many many times and although I can barely recall that moment when I became aware of myself, in the womb encased inside some flexible barrier, constricted, confined but well nourished, I can remember swimming in a pool of delightfully warm fluids, I wanted out as I knew there was something more beyond the darkness. I was seeing myself walking around in a different place, a place that would later become all to confusing a place to be, and what choice would I have but to run away and then, confront the demons.

As It was, I already developed and, was suffering from a sense of anxiety about being trapped in the wrong skin my parents where to caught up in their own sense of self to be concerned what a little 8 yr old was going through, I felt as through I had been in a time warp only to have the same sequence of events occur over and over again, trapped like when inside that bubble in my mothers womb, I wanted out!

It was time to go to grandmas house, me my younger sister Nina, she was 5 and, older brother Roderick, he was 12, and thought he was the boss of us. We always loved the times we would go to grandmas house, she lived in the country seemed a world all to itself, green pastures, she had cattle grazing, horses 4 or five cats, old Musket the basset hound, and gravy-train, my daddy named the Rottweiler after the food he likes so much and, she had a whole slew of native species of plants and animals, I would love to climb the tall sugar maple trees that grandma would make the best maple syrup for those what I thought was 2 pound pancakes she would make, with all that butter dripping off the side and a little homemade whipped creme, it was delicious, Nina like dipping her nose in the whipped creme and rubbing her fingers in it and up in her nose, then she would eat what I teased her about what I called whipped buggers.